A NEW book by Chronicle reporter Tim Butters purports to be the definitive guide to Abergavenny but without the boring bits.

It’s a bold claim but so to is the author’s assertion that the idea for this work of “lyrical reportage” came to him in a dream.

“It was more like a waking vision,” brags Butters in hushed gravitas between slightly smug sips of his frothy cappuccino.

According to the worthy wordsmith, he penned the A-Z of Abergavenny after being visited by intergalactic visitors from another dimension. Butters’ stresses that the spacemen were on a mission to compile cosmic guidebooks for areas of designated interest in the Universe.

Apparently Abergavenny was one of just ten locations chosen on Planet Earth. Butters claims the beings from outer space chose him to write about our little market town for the benefit of tourists from other planets.

“It sounds fantastical doesn’t it?” Admits the bemused writer. “Aliens in Abergavenny! Who would have guessed? I think they picked me because I grew up in Tredegar and realized I’d be able to write the book from an alien’s perspective. Anyhow, the mission statement was to keep it short, keep it snappy, leave out the boring bits, and paint a picture of Abergavenny as a town a three-headed Klingon from Uranus might like to visit.”

Butters elaborates, “It was quite the challenge making Abergavenny sound like a fun place to spend a holiday, and finding a subject for each letter of the alphabet was even trickier, but by hook and crook we got there in the end.”

In the ‘A-Z of Abergavenny: Places-People-History’, the shadows surrounding local legends are investigated and new light is cast on familiar subjects in a book that barely pauses for breath as it thunders from A to Z in a no-holds-barred roller coaster ride. The book brings the past to life and contrasts it with the present as readers embark on a twenty-six-step voyage of discovery to view the buildings, landmarks, streets and people who helped put this magical Monmouthshire market town on the map.

Explore the mystery behind Abergavenny’s underground tunnels, prepare to be baffled by the bizarre tribe who founded a mountainside settlement, shudder at the Spanish serial killer who murdered an entire family, and marvel in awe at the Old Testament preacher who founded an Anglo-Catholic underworld in the town. It’s claimed that this fully illustrated encyclopedia will lead you off the beaten track, down the wayward path, and into a past where no stone is left unturned.

Butters admits, “The book won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but then neither is Donald Trump and look how well he’s done for himself.”

The A-Z of Abergavenny is the author’s third book on local history in the space of two years. Asked if he believes he’s in danger of saturating the market, Butters said, “Probably, yes! But you have to strike while the iron is hot or you end up in creases. Besides which I was ordered to pick up the pen from up high. Anyhow, the trilogy is complete, my work is done, I’ve passed the test. I will diminish and go into the West.”

What such nonsense means, you can decide for yourself, but if you want to find out how our little town is being sold to the universe then grab yourself a copy of A-Z of Abergavenny by Tim Butters today. It’s available in all good bookshops and it’s definitely a cosmic read.