Abergavenny man claims he died for 30 seconds and saw something horrific!

FOR some, a near-death experience (NDE) can have a profoundly positive psychological effect. Many of those who have been temporarily revived after facing clinical death recall feelings of a deep and abiding peace and a dark tunnel leading to a divine light radiating unconditional love.

They recall experiencing past events as if living them again and are blessed with a second chance to take stock of what’s really important in their life.

Others are not so lucky!

When an NDE turns negative, those who experience it describe hellish scenes of being trapped in a void, feeling intense fear and being surrounded by malevolent entities.

An Abergavenny man who claims he was clinically brain dead for 30 seconds after falling into the Mon and Brec canal on his bike has told the Chronicle that his own personal NDE was anything but positive.

Johnny Turnip explained, “Thanks to my waterproof Apple Watch, I realised I may have been clinically dead for at least 30 seconds when I ended up in the canal.

“As I went flying over my handlebars into the accumulated filth, the last thing I remember doing is sneaking a crafty look at the time. That may sound mad, but old habits die hard. You see, I was a bit of a free-diving enthusiast in my young years and had something of a reputation in the waters around Porthcawl.

“In my prime I was doing two to three minute dives without oxygen. My record was three minutes and 17 seconds. Bearing in mind I was caning about 20 fags a day back then and you’ll have some sort of inkling of just how impressive that was.

“Anyhow, to cut a long story short, before hitting the water I always clock my watch and before I went under the canal it read 14.22, and when I came out it was 14.26. That’s at least four minutes I was under for. There’s no way I could have held my breath that long. So the only logical explanation is that I died for at least 30 seconds, if not longer.”

Turnip told the Chronicle that it wasn’t just the “unexplainable” missing time that led him to believe he passed over beyond the veil, but what he saw at the bottom of the canal.”

He said, “I’ve read up a lot on NDE’s. As someone who used to be a semi-professional paranormal investigator, and who occasionally still dabbles in the dark arts, it was my job, but I’ve never had one before, and the canal was the last place you’d expect to cross over to the other side.”

Turnip explained that after falling in and finding himself submerged, he remembered not to panic and just allowed himself to peacefully drop to the canal bed like a stone.

“An old SAS guy I used to drink cider with down the river told me a lot of interesting things from his time with the Hereford Gun Club.” Said Turnip.

“He often educated me on the art of catching rats in the dark with your bare hands and sleeping in sheep’s carcasses to stay warm, but the one thing he told me that’s always stayed with me is that no-one ever drowns, they just panic!

“Old Lenny’s dead now. He got bitten by a badger while walking through the river naked one night, and later died of sepsis. Yet as I hit the water, the last thing I saw was his weathered and alcoholic face in my mind, and I knew the old special forces bastard was sending me a message from beyond the grave.”

Turnip added, “I’ve never been one to turn my back on voices inside my head, so I let Lenny’s superior survival training guide me and just sunk to the bottom without a struggle.

“The only trouble is, after hitting the bottom and spending 10 seconds or so of being zen like, I realised I was sinking into the mud and could actually die in the canal.

“I started to struggle like a rabbit in a snare but because I had a heavy backpack with my cans of Stella in it, I wasn’t making much ground, and that’s when the panic set in.

“All my SAS training went out of the window as I thrashed around like a kipper on amphetamines. I somehow managed to work my bag free but it was all in vain as when I went to swim to the surface my left leg appeared trapped by something the I couldn’t kick free.

“To my horror I realised it wasn’t my bike, supermarket trolley or car tyre that was holding me captive in this underwater hell, but a scaly and reptilian hand.

“As my mind wandered above water to seek refuge from this insanity, my eyes betrayed me and confronted the face to which that reptilian hand belonged.

“It was ugly, it was ancient, and it appeared to be the face of a giant toad with the body of a small man.

“‘What new madness is this?’ I remember thinking as the toad’s faces appeared inches from mine and began studying me with a morbid curiosity.

“And then to make matters worse, in a voice that sort of hissed but sounded quite posh at the same time, the giant man toad said, ‘Did mother send you?’”

Turnip added, “As it looked at me with its huge and imploring eyes, I could feel myself drowning and my brain closing down, but before I did, the toad said, ‘We have little time. I will kiss you and you will become the vessel of my message. I beseech you, carry it to Talybont Reservoir and by the light of the moon summon Queen Toad with the words, ‘Away the toad road. A weary wanderer seeks an audience with Her Majesty.’”

Turnip added, “Not long after I lost consciousness and died, because the next thing I knew I was on my knees on the towpath, dripping with canal water, and puking like a dog who had just eaten a bunch of flowers.

“I quickly looked at my watch and sure enough there’s no way I could have spent that much time underwater without dying.

“The toad must have placed my clinically dead body here before reviving me with some basic CPR!

“It then dawned on the newly resurrected me that I had been kissed by a giant frog!

“As I lay on the towpath screaming and writhing like a man with post traumatic stress disorder I heard the familiar sound of destiny calling. Big things were about to happen and things were kicking off again. I needed my crew by my side. It was time to give Puerto Rico Paul and Big Tony a call.”

To be continued….