IF you go down to Frogmore Street today, be prepared for a big surprise.

And it ain’t no picnic involving fluffy and friendly bears drinking Earl Grey from mamma’s best china either.

It is as one gobsmacked bystander described it, “Absolute bloody carnage!”

What are we talking about? Well we ain’t talkin’ ‘bout dub, we’re talking about a brand new chapter in the history of one of Abergavenny’s most beloved thoroughfares.

And as the good people of Abergavenny feel the strain of being modernized and pedestrianized, many took to Twitter, but most took to drink, and did what people do best when confronted with the inconvenience of change, they began to moan, furiously!

Before a hammer had been raised in anger or a cobble smashed to smithereens, people were becoming considerably agitated at the damned inconvenience of not being able to drive their car through town anymore.

One bewildered motorist who attempted to turn left on Nevill Street only to find his way through Frogmore Street blocked by cones, barriers, and men in hi-vis jackets and hard-hats, was beside himself in a cold rage.

The frustrated driver explained, “Jesus Christ what is wrong with this town! I give up!”

One man who never gives up until the fight is won is of course the Chronicle’s old friend and semi-professional long-distance runner Johnny Turnip.

During his mid-morning run Johnny stopped by for a chat and a Marlboro light, and as usual had plenty to say on the latest saga affecting the Abergavenny community.

Turnip reflected whilst inhaling deeply, “All this moaning about not being able to take your motor on the town tour anymore is first world problems dude. I’m all about the positive. People around here need to get out more. I think a wee bit of travel would broaden their minds. Take me for example. I’ve just got back from Rio de Janeiro. I often go out there with a transit van full of my old Nike Airs and sell them to the homeless at a discount.

“It’s my way of giving back and showing poor people who ain’t got nowt, how a nice pair of white Nikes can make you feel invincible.”

Turnip added, “So please people! Don’t talk to the Turnip about restricted vehicle access and the problems of pedestrianization. I walk a higher path. I’m far too busy making sure bare-footed street urchins have a fair chance in life to worry myself with such futile frivolity as not being able to drive like a wannabe pimp past Tesco on a rainy Wednesday evening.

“Like my old SAS instructor always used to say to me, ‘Go hard or go home!’”

As the Frogmore Street saga looks set to rumble on over the next few months as it makes the transition from road to pavement, let’s remind ourselves of how it once looked way back in the day courtesy of another of the Chronicle’s dear friends - Udo Schultz.