WITH our internet woes seemingly on hold until the middle of August for Openreach to find a scaffolding tower tall enough to reach the side of our house, it came as a bit of a shock to open the door last week to several hard-hatted engineers.

“You’re a bit early,” said the housemate, who’s never at her most welcoming before her first cuppa.

“I know. You’re the first call of the day,” replied the engineer already sweltering under his hi-vis jacket.

“No. I mean you’re not supposed to be here until August 13,” she snapped. “A few hours early is one thing but three weeks is something completely different,” she added with one of the dramatically heavy sighs we all know so well.

‘So now that we’ve got the broadband connection issue sorted, can you explain to me why I’m still paying for a TV package I cancelled in June,” I asked the umpteenth EE customer services operative who I finally reached after seemingly being on hold for several days.

“I can see why you’d be unhappy at paying for a service you’re not using,” she said in the sympathetic tone I’ve become extremely familiar with.

“Good…then you’ll have no problem in finally cancelling it and refunding me the money you’ve already taken out of my account,” I said helpfully.

“Ahh well… I would but I don’t seem to be able to cancel it because there’s a fault on the system.”

“I looks as if someone tried to cancel it last night, she added thoughtfully.

“Yes..the man I spoke to last night who also told me he couldn’t cancel it because there was a fault.”

“So that’s why you’ve phone again this morning?

“I didn’t phone again this morning,” I replied. “You phoned me this morning because we couldn’t have this conversation last night because apparently all the managers, who could potentially resolve the issue, were working from home!”

“Well I can’t solve this problem but I’ll pass it onto the department which can and they’ll ring you back within a week.”

“Will they though? I asked reminding her that a previously promised call-back failed to happen.

“I promise they will if you give them the leeway of a week,” she replied. “So if you’re happy with this I can mark this complaint as closed,” she added.

“But the complaint isn’t closed,” I replied. “You actually haven’t done anything at all.”

“But I’ve passed it on to someone who can.”

“But you haven’t resolved the complaint.”

“But I’ve sorted my bit.”

“But you haven’t because I’m still paying for a TV package I cancelled two months ago.”

“I know what you’re saying but you’re speaking to the billing department and it’s not a billing problem.”

“But the problem is with my bill in that it’s wrong.”

“I know, but it’s not my fault that it’s wrong so I can close the complaint!”

An hour or so later I sat in The Mother’s garden with a large G&T.

“That fuchsia over there hasn’t had any flowers on it this year,” she said thoughtfully.

“Maybe you cut it back at the wrong time,” I suggested .

“I didn’t cut it back at the wrong I just didn’t cut it back at the right time,”she replied.

“Are you sure you don’t work for EE?” I asked slumping Into my seat!