THE proposed footbridge over the River Usk which will connect Llanfoist with Abergavenny has been met with howls of outrage in some quarters, but local athlete Johnny Turnip believes it will, in his own words, “unite the tribes.”

The bridge which is to be situated 100m downstream from the existing bridge will allow pedestrians and cyclists to cross more safely.

Many people have campaigned for such a bridge for years, but just as the dream is about to cross the finish line and become a reality, many have poured scorn on the proposed design of the bridge, brandishing it an ‘eyesore’, ‘detrimental to wildlife’, and a ‘serious health and safety issue.’

Dai Bartholomew is a regular Castle Meadows utility user and snarled, “This bridge is the last stage in a prolonged campaign to rip the guts out of dear old Aber. They’ve finally disemboweled the old duck and it happened on your watch people. How you can all sleep at nights is beyond me.”

Semi-professional long-distance runner Johnny Turnip has no time for the naysayers and said he’ll welcome the bridge with open arms.

“As far as I’m concerned it’s all good. I’m fifth generation Abergavenny and you’ve got to respect that. But there’s a lot of the Turnip clan who live on the other side of the river in Llanfoist. It all started when my great grandaddy married his cousin.

“Jefferson Turnip was an Aber lad but his wife to be, Jezzabel, was from Llanfoist. And ever since their union the Turnips have lived on both sides of the river.

“But even though they’re blood I have to say this, the Llanfoist Turnips are a queer old bunch. They don’t get out of the village much. My pappy used to call them the “cotton pickers.” Why I’ll never know, but I do think the footbridge will have a somewhat civilizing influence on the Llanfoist side of the family.

“Take nanna Turnip for example. Or Annie ‘Horror-show’ as the locals affectionally call her. She hasn’t visited Aber in years. She refuses to travel by car and she won’t walk over the current bridge because she views it as a death-trap.

“Admittedly old nanny Turnip doesn’t like leaving Llanfoist and her nickname for Abergavenny is “Babylon,” but I’m sure once the footbridge is opened I could push her over to this side of the river in her wheelbarrow, take her for a steak bake and a walk around Aldis and she’ll appreciate just what she’s been missing all this time.

“I mean Llanfoist may have a McDonald’s but in so many other ways it’s a bit of a backwater. I think it’ll do it the world of good to be connected via a footbridge to an urban hub of excellence like Abergavenny.

“All these critics of the bridge should realize it’s not just about what’s good for Abergavenny, it’s also about dragging Llanfoist into the 21st Century. As my old nanna Turnip said, ‘Don’t take a p*ss and tell me it’s raining son!’”