LARGE parts of Britain are about to be battered again!

Yet before we batten down the hatches and face the diabolical force and fury of Rachel Reeves’ apocalyptic budget, we have to brace ourselves for yet another storm.

November, which overnight has been renamed ‘flood season,’ is no stranger to storms and tomorrow most of Wales will be savaged by one named Claudia.

As names for elemental banshees go, it’s pretty tame. The name Claudia might suggest poorly cut fringes, school runs in planet-destroying SUVs, and mass meet-ups in coffee shops, but you'd hardly associate it with an unstoppable force of nature.

Besides, it lacks cultural context. It would be much more fitting to name the dispiriting deluge and relentless gale to come as Storm Keir!

Now that’s a name we could all collectively get behind, or in front of, and scream our defiance at.

All joking aside, the naming of storms is a peculiar business.

Cast your mind back to this time last year, and we were subject to a particularly fierce and unforgiving one named Bert!

Now while you might associate the name Bert with dimly-lit pubs, dominoes, pints of stout, roll-ups and greyhound racing, some bright spark at the Met Office, who, are in charge of naming storms, thought Bert was less of an harmless geezer minding his own business and keeping his head down, and more the sort of chap who liked to flood homes, tear down fences, pull up roofs, uproot trees and render roads useless.

Does that sound like any Bert you know?

The naming of storms is a relatively new phenomenon.

It began ten years ago this month when the Met Office decided to name a storm Abigail, and since then it has become what they describe as a “cornerstone of weather communication.”

Since 2015, they’ve proudly named 70 storms.

Here’s the rub!

Abigail is not a particularly stormy name. Neither is Dudley, Eunice, Dennis, Angus, or Gertrude. As a collective, they sound more like a coach full of seniors on a day trip to Bath than they do something dangerous that you need to take precautions against.

Yet someone, somewhere, thought they’d all make great names for a storm.

There was a brief period when the public was offered the opportunity to name storms themselves, but a lot of the public’s suggestions proved too creative and were rejected outright.

Which is a shame because names like Big Boss, Apocalypse, Hot Brew, Vader, Stormageddon, or Megatron have far more of a stormy vibe to them than the Met Office’s current list for the 2025/26 season, which includes, wait for it, Oscar, Ruby, Kasia, Chandra, and Gerarld.

While you might associate those names with a dinner party you really don't want to attend, surely they diminish any self-respecting storm’s staying power?

However, if you’re waiting for a storm to be named Storm Trooper, Storm In A Teacup, or Stormy Daniels, don’t hold your breath.

When it comes to the trend of naming storms, Will Lang, Chief Meteorologist at the Met Office, explained, “Ten years ago, Storm Abigail became the first UK storm to be named. Today, storm names are part of our national vocabulary. 

“But storm naming is more than a label; it’s a public safety tool that makes severe weather easier to remember, talk about, and follow.

“We’ve named 70 storms since 2015, and each one helps communities prepare, keeps emergency services coordinated, and strengthens public awareness of severe weather risks.”

Regardless of how the Met Office dresses it up, the naming of storms has more in common with pagan magic than it does meteorological science. It personifies nature and gives the chaos some semblance of order.

Yet as we wait for Claudia to show her face and unleash her fury, there’s one question that haunts us all - why are we the only country in the world that names at least several storms a year, and then enforces a hosepipe ban in the summer?

Stay safe!