An Abergavenny man has made the audacious claim that John Lennon was on more than just speaking terms with the fairies, or as they’re known in the Welsh tongue - the Tylwyth Teg.

After summoning the spirit of the late Beatle during a seance in New York, semi-professional paranormal investigator Johnny Turnip has made the wild boast that not only did “he and the boys have a bit of a session and natter with Lennon” but that he told them “all about his experiences with the fair folk.”

“He first met them in Strawberry Fields when he was a lad,” explained Turnip.

“Apparently, that’s what the song is about. He went there one evening as the sun was going down, and he stumbled across them dancing and playing music. He said it was the most perfect thing he had ever heard. That summer, he would return again and again to the same spot to listen to the fairies' music and watch them dance.

“He said he believes he spent his life subconsciously trying to recapture the melodies and feeling of joy he experienced there.

“Of course, when he grew up, he dismissed it all as some sort of childish fantasy, but in later years, whether it was the psychedelics or maturity, he would have flashbacks to sitting in the Strawberry Fields and remember the conversations he would have with the Tylwyth Teg about peace, love, and all the rest of it.

“Towards the end, he would often sit in his Dakota apartment gazing at the empty New York skies and wonder about the real inspiration behind songs like Strawberry Fields and whether he was a fool to turn down the pot of fairy gold some hustler had tried to sell him. The very pot which used to belong to my ancestor Potato Creek Johnny and which we need to heal the world and restore balance!”

Turn told the Chronicle that after invoking the spirit of John Lennon from the other realms, the dead rhythm guitar player manifested himself inside the circle of power he and the boys had prepared.

“It got a bit crowded in there at first,” explained Turnip. “Because as Lennon pointed out, we were on the wrong side of the circle. We should have been without instead of within, so when Lennon turned up like a being of pure light, it spooked us a bit. It was like having the Human Torch from Fantastic Four turning up to the party, but he soon turned the light down and we could see it was Lennon.”

Turnip added, “He was dressed casually in faded jeans and a t-shirt with he slogan, ‘There’s No High Like The Most High!’ His choice of outfit struck me as a bit odd, because these days you don’t see many ghosts who aren’t dressed as Victorians.

“He looked at us for a while with an amused and calculating look, before saying in that soothing Scouse voice of his, ‘How do fellas! What’s the name of the game we’re playing today?’

“‘It’s an honour to meet you Mr Lennon,’ Said Puerto Rico Paul, whilst bowing like he was in the presence of a king.

“‘Easy now lad. You look like you’ve seen a ghost!’ Smiled Lennon, who added, ‘There’s no need for any airs and graces here. I’m cut from the same cloth as everyone else, or would be, if I weren’t now a fourth-dimensional being. Shall we step outside the circle fellas? It has a tendency to stretch both reality and flesh to the limits if you’re not careful.’”

Turnip explained, “As we stepped outside of the circle of power, Lennon remained within and said, ‘I can’t leave unless the chief summoner allows it. Be a love and liberate a shackled soul will you?’”

Turnip said, “Realising I was the top boy at the seance, I had to pretend I knew what I was doing so I raised my hands over my head theatrically and roared in my best Ian Mckellen voice, ‘Spirits of air, fire, water and earth, I command thee to reverse the circle and allow its energy to wither and die.’

“There was an embarrassing silence before Lennon looked at me with pity and said softly, ‘Energy never dies fella. It’s one of the first laws. It just adapts and moves elsewhere. What you’re meant to say is, ‘You’re free to leave the circle mate.’

“So I did and he did, but not before winking at me mischievously, and that’s when I realised he was winding me up. Fortunately, Puerto Rico Paul saved my blushes by making an even bigger tool of himself.

“No sooner had Lennon left the circle of power then he sycophantically slithered over to him and hissed like a bitch in heat, ‘In a way we’re related, Mr Lennon. I’m the son of your best mate.’

“‘Stuart had a son!’ Exclaimed a shocked Lennon.

“‘No!’ Said a confused Paul. “‘McCartney is my dad. He just doesn’t know it.’

“‘Are you saying you’re a bastard?’ Asked Lennon.

“‘That’s a bit strong!’ Said Big Tony, glaring thunderously at Lennon as his fists clenched instinctively, ‘You may be a Beatle, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have to behave!’

“‘Easy Tone!’ I cried. Before winking in a knowing way at Lennon and adding, ‘Give peace a chance! John’s talking about Paul being a bastard in the child born out of wedlock sense and not the child born out of a broken home sense, if that makes sense?’

“As Big Tony looked at me with all the understanding of a goldfish on downers, Lennon, who was beginning to look like he was really enjoying himself, asked Paul, ‘When was Macca supposed to have done the dark deed and sired you then, young Paul?’

“Before Puerto Rico Paul could make any more of a tit of himself, I jumped in and explained, ‘When the Beatles played Abergavenny in 1963, he claims McCartney came back to his mother’s house in Tudor Street in the early hours and one thing led to another and a child was born.

“He used to tell us this outrageous lie in the playground and we swallowed it.

“Yet when we grew up, we did the math and realised it was a complete crock. Paul is only 50, and we’ve pointed out time and time again that it’s biologically impossible for Macca to be his dad.

“Over the years, he’s managed to ignore this fact by hinting at some ongoing illicit liaison between McCartney and his mum Pauline, who also happens to be a witch, but truth be known, the whole town knows that Paul’s father was a sailor from Puerto Rico who had wandered into Abergavenny from Tiger Bay on shore leave.’”

Turnip said, “As we all turned to Paul, he was shaking his head and saying, ‘Lies! Lies and damned lies!’ Over and over again. There’s just never been any getting through to him when it comes to the real identity of his dad .

“As he continued to sink into one of his psychotic episodes, Lennon walked over to him, put a comforting hand on his shoulder, and said, ‘Macca may not be your dad son, but who cares. I am he as you are he, and you are me, and we are all together.’

“This seemed to help. And as Paul’s smile lit up his face like a rainbow after a storm, Lennon shouted, ‘Now somebody get the drinks in. It’s been a while. Let’s have a session, and you fellas can tell me why you woke me from my sleep! I was hoping to kip until Judgement Day!’”

The Manifest Trials And Tribulations Of Johnny Turnip is now available on Amazon.