A REGULAR visitor to historical ruins got more than they bargained for when they were confronted by three surly goats at Tretower Castle and Court on the weekend.

It may sound like an introduction to a fairy tale you really don’t want to read, but for local man Gabriel Archan meeting the goats was an almost mystical experience.

“I’ve been to Tretower many times in the past!” Explained Gabe. “It’s a great place to have a picnic, but I’ve never seen goats there before.”

Gabe told the Chronicle that after he and his Portugal assistant Biggles had finished a lovely alfresco lunch of champagne and oysters followed by mini strawberry cheesecakes from Aldi, they decided to have a wander to work off the calories.

“Biggles is very carb-conscious and although she didn’t have much of my French stick, it only takes a little nibble for her to begin obsessing about developing bingo wings and thunder thighs. Silly girl!

“Anyhow, as we attempted to hit our ten thousand steps for the day, my eyes were suddenly drawn to an old crumbling wall of the castle. Why exactly? I do not know.”

Gabe explained that as gazed at the wall and cleared his attempt in an attempt to achieve the Zen-like blankness his yoga tutor in Ebbw Vale said would be beneficial for his blood pressure, he began to notice something a bit unusual.

“At first it was like the stones began moving as if they were in a Harry Potter movie or something.” Explained Gabe.

“It was a bit disconcerting and I thought it might have been an aftershock of my morning Espresso and chunk of stilton, but then it hit me with all the force of a medieval mace!

“There were actual goats hiding in plain sight amongst those walls. The agile bleeders had somehow managed to climb up there and were just gazing back at me.

“They must have wandered from the nearby farm, but by God, they blended in well with those walls. After zooming in to take a few pics for Insta, I noticed there were three of them, all staring back at me like I was the dumb beast and they were pagan gods!

“For a brief minute they looked like they were a prog rock band posing for an album cover, but as I said, I’d gone hard on the Espresso and Stilton that morning, so nothing was making too much sense.”

Gabe revealed to the Chronicle that after leaving the goats to hang-out, he and Biggles went to explore the tower only to find the Billies decided to join him there.

“A playful little pooch had obviously chased them from their perch. Which was great for me, because after the owner had called the hound off, it was time to get some visuals. I barked at Biggles to take some footage as I interacted playfully with the goats for my social media channels. People love that sort of thing.”

Gabe added, “Unfortunately, Biggles messed up and I’m not in any of the finished edits, but the goats are. So although the finished product is not of a suitable standard for my socials it’s right up the Chronicle’s street! Enjoy!”