AFTER an endurance testing and stamina straining ordeal of grunt and groan where six celebrity pigs run themselves ragged in a frantic bid for glory, the Abergavenny Chronicle is pleased to announce that this year's winner of PIGSCOT 2010 is Jennifer LoPIG.
'Pigscot' is the brainchild of Cantref Adventure Farm and their recent celebrity pig race was hosted to raise money for Help for Heroes as part of Cantref Farm's special military month, where military personnel enjoyed free admittance to the farm.
In a star-studded field of tenacious trotters which included such limelight 'hoggers' as PIGtoria BeckHAM, Gavin HAMson , HOGlet Church, Harry TROTTER and Elvis PIGsley,
only one pig could prevail and the porker in question was 'Jenny from the block' who run like she was quite literally trying to save her bacon and left the rest of the field standing in her muck.
The conditions on the day were good to firm, and saw Gavin HAMson just beat Elvis PIGsley by a snout for second place.
Elvis was apparently 'All Shook Up' and snarling with disappointment after failing to win a race that apparently for the last few months had been, 'Always on my Mind'. A shell-shocked Elvis went on to explain, "Lawdy Miss Clawdy! I'v had enough of the country life. I'm leaving for Las Vegas first thing in the morning. They know how to treat a pig in the states."
Spare a thought for poor old Harry TROTTER who failed to turn on the magic he is renowned for and was disqualified for jumping off the track. A harassed Harry revealed, "I just don't know what joe public expect of me at times, I really don't. It's not like I can just wave a wand and make all my fellow competitors disappear now, is it?. This 'do or die' mentality of the sty is starting to grind me down."
And as for HOGlet Church, she never had a prayer, and said post-race, "I don't wish to 'boar' you with the details, but that pig HAMson put me right off my stride. His uncouth behaviour and farmyard ways are proving a very bitter 'swill' to swallow.
PIGtoria Beckham was said to be mortified at the lack of any suitable truffles in the backstage area and although too posh to speak to the press, oinked in our direction a few times and was heard to mutter, "Pigs will fly, if you think I'm giving you gutter rats a comment."
Finally, in between squeals of delight, a breathless Jenny LoPIG told the Chronicle, "I think the results speak for themselves. I'm a prize pig, not a fat pig. I may be the winner y'all, but I'm still keeping it real. I won't let this day go to my head. Don't be fooled by the trophies I got, I'm still Jenny from the farm."
However, all the pigs can be justifiably proud of their efforts on a day that raised £300 for Help the Heroes.
Pig Racing will be continuing at Cantref for the rest of the summer with the Championships taking place on August Bank Holiday. But please. if you are thinking of attending don't mention the words 'hog' and 'roast'. The pigs will not be well pleased.
For further details on the races or to see Cantref Farm's very own 'Britain's Got Talent' 'Star' Pig in his one hog show, telephone 01874 665223 or visit http://www.cantref.com">www.cantref.com