THE season of mists, magic, mushrooms, and mellow fruitfulness is upon us.

And what better way to celebrate that most mercurial of seasons than with a close-up picture of a toadstool!

The photo was taken by amateur camera enthusiast Gabriel Archan, who had a “most peculiar experience” in Goytre woods on the weekend.

Gabe told the Chronicle, “The plan was initially for Biggles and I, my personal assistant from Portugal, to go paddle boarding on the Mon and Brec, but after having some of Biggles special mushroom soup in the Jag, I felt a bit lightheaded and had a sudden and irrational fear of going in the water, almost as if I were a witch!

“And so we decided to have a gentle ramble through the woods instead, to see if it would help clear the peculiar problems I had begun to experience with my eyesight.

“It was most peculiar, I was seeing everything as if it were one of those old Technicolor cartoons, but it didn’t, as one might think, alarm me at all. On the contrary, I began to giggle hysterically.

“At one point, I even began doing my legendary Elmer Fudd impersonation. However, things soon turned sour when Biggles began to morph into a hideous-looking Bugs Bunny. In my fear, I screamed out loud how I’d like to shoot her, skin her, and boil her in my pot!

“Fortunately, Biggles is a level-headed type and after slapping me repeatedly in the face with something big and made of rubber she convinced me she wasn’t some ‘pwesky wabbit’ and things began to harmonise.”

Gabe added, “As we strolled through the woodland, my mind began to feel like it was one minute a little paper boat floating upon a vast and expansive ocean that was as calm as a Mill pond, and then the next minute, I was being tossed around by a terrible tempest that had no reason or rhyme. It was quite unsettling, and so I lay down on the grass and had a panic attack.

“When it finally passed and Biggles left me lying prostrate and helpless, to find me a bottle of fizzy orange and blueberry muffin to settle my nerves, I found myself gazing in awe at a big red toadstool.

“As the toadstool began to talk to me, I realised I was in danger of losing my mind.

“Yet for a few minutes, or it could have been centuries, lying with my one cheek pressed to the grass, while uncontrollably drooling and gazing at the toadstool, I felt I was in the presence of the divine.”

Gabe explained, “After Biggles returned with the supplies, I loaded up on sugar and began to feel a little more normal again.

“On reflection, I think my bizarre turn was due to having picked up some sort of weird viral load that had been imported from abroad, possibly China. There’s a lot of it going around this time of year!

“Still, you live and learn, and fortunately, I have some great photos as a souvenir of the experience.”