“I thought we’d lost The Mother on the weekend,” announced my sister. “What do mean ‘lost her’ I asked. “Do you mean properly.. ‘lost’ her?” I added raising my eyes heaven-ward. “Well I thought we might have,” replied my sibling.

“I wasn’t planning to go over to see her on Sunday because we were going out, but then the plans changed so I thought I’d just go and check on her. “When I arrived at the house all the doors and windows were open so I went in a shouted expecting her to reply as usual but there was just silence.

“I went all over the downstairs of the house calling her and there was nothing so I started to get a bit concerned so I went upstairs and there was still no sign. I was temped to ring you but realised there wasn’t much point in that, so I carried on searching,” she said.

“I went all over the garden shouting and shouting and there was no trace of her. I was just starting to seriously consider alien abduction when I noticed something moving in the corner.”

“And it was me!” chipped in The Mother gleefully.

“I wasn’t dead I was sitting on the floor behind the garden chairs painting the fence and all she could see was my arm going up and down.”

“I thought you’d had a turn,” said my obviously traumatised sister.

“I hadn’t had a turn I was just painting in the corner and I didn’t have my hearing aids in because it was too hot and I was afraid they’d explode in my ears,” replied The Mother shaking her head.

“I have just a few questions from that sentence,” I said, glad that she’d at least been located.

“First off why did you think your hearing aids would explode just because it was hot and secondly..and probably more importantly, why had you decided to paint the garden fence on what everyone was saying was going to be the hottest day of the year?”

“I didn’t think they were going to explode because it was hot. I thought they’d explode because I was sweating and my hair was getting wet. And I was only joking…I didn’t really think they’d explode,” replied The Mother, looking at me as if I was a complete idiot.

“And the painting?” asked my sister.

“It needed doing and I’d decided I was going to do it on the weekend. So I did,” replied The Mother with a satisfied nod.

“But that was before they predicted the temperature would hit 30 degrees,” I said in despair.

“It wasn’t that hot sitting in the corner,” she argued

“You looked hot when you finally emerged,” said my sister.

“In fact you looked just like Nanna used to look when you used to give her a row for working in the garden or cleaning the windows in the boiling hot sun,” she added.

“And did she listen to me?” asked The Mother.

“No,” we both replied.

“Well there we are then. And Nanna lived until she was 97 so you’d better get used to it,” she added. “And now, if you’ll excuse me I’ve got a patio table to paint!”