Temperatures are soaring, blood is boiling, dogs are panting, workers are toiling, and above it all the sun beats down effortlessly - making flowers grow and turning people into stone.

Or at least that’s what semi-professional long-distance runner Johnny Turnip believed happened earlier this week when he paid a visit to Abergavenny Castle.

Turnip, who claims to average 92 miles a day, had just finished his late afternoon run and was wandering around Abergavenny Castle with his celebratory four-pack of Stella when he began to feel a tad peculiar.

Turnip explained, “I had nothing on but a pair of hot pants and my Nike Airs, but I was still dripping in sweat like a fat bird in a curry house.

“Because it was a proper boiler I was necking the Stella like a rabid dog, and just as I was emptying the last can and savouring the last few drops of Belgium’s finest, my legs suddenly turned to lead and I fell flat on my back.”

Taking a measured breath before continuing to recall his harrowing ordeal, Turnip told the Chronicle, “Look mate, I’m no lightweight and I don’t want anyone to think that a 50 mile run followed by four pint cans of Stella in 30 degree sunshine can put Turnip on his back, but something sinister caught up with me that day. Perhaps it was a bad pork pie, who knows?

“Anyhow, as I was staring up at the sky, I noticed to my left a woman sunbathing on one of the castle walls. I got up and waved to her and she waved back and said, ‘You alright gorgeous?’

“I was about to respond and then it dawned on me she wasn’t real. Or if she was, the sun had turned her into a statue. It freaked me out to be honest. I lost my nut and went screaming through the castle grounds. That’s when things really took a turn for the worse.

“I charged straight into a giant. He was on fours, and it looked to me like the poor sod was on his last legs. He was in a bad way you know? That’s when I lost consciousness.

“Next thing, I’m waking up in the alleyway around the back of Greggs. How I got there nobody knows. My mate big Dave is a medical man and he tells me I must have had sunstroke. He said he’s seen it happen to the old dears in the care home where he works.

“Also, I’ve since found out that the stone lady and the wooden giant were arty sculptures placed in the castle for some art festival they’ve got going on this weekend.”

“I’m not really an arty type but by Christ those sculptures are very impressive. For a few minutes there I almost believed they were real.”

The Abergavenny Art Festival runs from June 29 to July 1. In the meantime why not pop to the grounds of Abergavenny Castle yourself and see just what Mr Turnip is making such a fuss about.