After several months of struggling with a bad shoulder I paid a visit to the housemate’s sister-in-law on the weekend in the hope she could help ease the pain.

Just to clarify I’m not in the habit of knocking on the doors of random family members to cure my ailments - she is a highly qualified doctor of Chinese medicine who I had previously turned to for help to ease my dodgy carpel tunnels!

“I don’t know why you’re less frightened of Mary than you are of any other doctor,” said the housemate as we set off to the Midlands for my consultation.

“You do remember that she’s also highly likely to stick big needles in you?” she added just in case I’d forgotten.

“Are often you short tempered?” asked Dr Mary as she peered at a close up picture of my tongue.

“I have been known to have a slightly short fuse,” I replied knowing those close to me would probably be less tactful if asked the same question.

“Yes…I can see you lose your temper easily,” she said nodding to herself while mentally working out where to jab me.

“That’s the understatement of the year,” said the housemate as we sat down for dinner after my treatment had ended.

“I don’t lose my cool that easily because if I did I’d have been a lot more angry when you jabbed that needle in the sole of my foot and really hurt me,” I pointed out.

“But how is your shoulder?” asked the housemate’s brother bringing in yet another dish his wife had managed to prepare between patients.

“It amazing. I can move it easily for the first time in months and it’s not hurting at all,” I replied. “I may not like needles but I’m an absolute convert to acupuncture.”

“So are you going to stay nice and calm and not lose your temper so easily after your treatment?” asked the housemate as we drove home that evening.

“I think so,” I replied. “I managed to stay very chilled when we took the wrong turning a few minutes ago and ended up in the middle of nowhere and I hardly raised an eyebrow when you announced you’d left a bag at your son-in-law’s house and we had to go back there to collect it!”

“Well the proof of the pudding and all that,” she smiled. “We’ll see what next week brings!”

Gentle reader….it didn’t take long! Thanks to my newly acquired techniques I managed to maintain my cool as the papers hurtled towards deadline, smile as I fielded queries and complaints from colleagues and helpfully replied to emails and then I caught a glimpse of a news story which was proof positive that the world has gone completely mad.

How anyone can keep calm reading a news story about a world famous footballer who has reportedly gone on strike while being paid almost half a million pounds a day in a country where over a million children live in poverty absolutely beggars belief!

That’s £3.5million a week for kicking a football - seriously there shouldn’t be an acupuncture needle big enough to keep anyone calm!