IN these austere times authorities are often accused of not being able to ‘cut it’ anymore in regard to the services and facilities they provide Joe Public. But is this picture proof that Monmouthshire County Council have taken the slash and dash of cuts to public services a little too literally?
For those not familiar with the terrain, it’s the communal field at Mardy’s Croesonen Park. Popular with dog-walkers, kids, wild rabbits and moles, the grassy area received its regular trim earlier this week, but something appears to have gone wrong.
The grass appears to be cut in a haphazard fashion by a man on a mower.
A disgruntled frisbee thrower told the Chronicle, “I don’t know what on earth is going on here but I’m not having it. It’s like someone went around the outside as if it were a race track and left a big island of unsightly growth in the middle. It’s silly! And the council need to answer some big and hard questions about why it’s happened.”
Semi-professional cross-country runner Johnny Turnip often uses the field for his evening exertions. But yesterday he was a bit bewildered by the sight which greeted the enthusiastic endurance athlete.
“I’m a well-known figure over the field because the Mardy faithful will often see be blazing a trail through it like nobody’s business” explained Turnip.
“I stand out not just because of my impressive physique but because I’m known for always wearing box-fresh Nike Airs. Those whites are dazzling son, and obviously I have to be careful where I’m running because the slightest stain can ruin the integrity of my look.
“So just imagine my horror yesterday when I rocked up to the field only to find a part of it had not been cut. I’m not being funny but there’s no way I’m running through that long grass with my trainers. They could get scuffed, stained by the grass or even worse I could accidentally step in a pile of dog excrement. If that happens MCC will have one unhappy Turnip on its hands.”
Johnny added, “Because the council had not done its job I couldn’t enjoy my usual workout yesterday and went home to have a burger instead. Are they going to take some responsibility for this?”
Early-morning dog-walkers have been spotted standing in groups and starring vacantly at the field in a sort of bovine bewilderment, but to date no-one has hit on a solution as to the nature of this new craziness.
A seasoned kite-flyer who regularly uses the field for his high-flying experiments explained, “I’m at a complete loss as to why, what, or where, when it comes to the nature of this cut. Did the council workmen simply lay down their tools because it was clocking off time. I understand the importance of having some quality time in the van to read your newspaper and put your feet up, but come on boys, let’s finish the job, hey?”
Having exhausted all enquiries in search of an explanation, the Chronicle contacted the council as a last resort. As always they are extremely busy have yet to reply, but in the meantime we think we might have some sort of probable solution to the mystery of the Mardy grass.
And it’s all to do with the buzz!
The buzz of the bees that is.
Apparently our stripy friends love clover. And the Croesonen field has an abundance of it. So rather than cut all the grass at once and deny our little-winged honey makers an opportunity to feast on the good stuff, MCC have shown they are a true friend to insects everywhere by leaving a section of the grass for the bees to chomp on.
And once the clover is over in a week or two, the council’s strummers will get busy strumming and the mowers will get busy mowing.
But in the meantime remember folks! A little growth is a wonderful thing.
Now buzz off!